As December arrives and the fall season lingers, our world can feel chaotic. The holidays are meant to bring us peace and joy, but sometimes bring us stress & overwhelm. This blog is your permission to create the holidays that you want to experience, not the one that society, or your family, or friends tell you to. If you feel like something is missing this year or every year, you aren’t alone. The Holidays should NOT feel like a rollercoaster. If you agree, stay tuned for a practical and realistic view on how to make this holiday season yours.

December 1st is upon us. Rate your excitement or stress level for the holiday season from 0-10!

Did you surprise yourself?

Why Holiday Self-Care Matters

Self-care matters all the time, but during the holidays, it becomes essential to help us find joy rather than stress and busyness. The holiday season is filled with gatherings, making memories, and giving. The fall season invites us to slow down, reflect, and find cozy moments to bask in. When these two energies collide, it might bring conflict, both within us and with those around us. Knowing how to manage the two worlds is where we find peace and joy. We all want to give generously, and taking care of yourself allows you to give and pour into others from an overflowing cup so you don’t become depleted.

Awareness is Key

Awareness is the foundation of self-care. How can you plan or make intentional choices if you don’t know what you want or need? How can you care for yourself if you don’t recognize when you are stressed or overwhelmed? Our nervous system is wired to keep us safe by shifting us into different states depending on perceived threats. While we’re no longer running from lions, holiday pressures like family conflict or perfectionism can make it feel that way.

Understanding the nervous system AND also understanding our nervous system is a great practice for building our awareness through the day, the holiday season, and our lives.

Know your nervous system states.

Dorsal (Shutdown/Freeze) Red:

Low energy, numbness, feeling stuck, overwhelmed

Emotionally detached, avoding social interactions

Sympathetic (Flight/Fight) Yellow:

Restlessness, racing thoughts, feeling on edge, shallow breathing
Hypervigilant, constantly scanning for danger & threats

Ventral (Safety/Connection) Green:

Relaxed presence, optimism, creativity
Taking full breaths, socially present, emotional flexible

Here are some examples you can try if you find that you are in a freeze or flight/fight state:

Go on a walk
Share your experience with a compassionate loved one
Write out your feelings to validate your experience and release it from your body
Go to a yoga class that fits your state, either a slower yin class to bring gentle movement in, or a faster paced yoga class to use your excess energy

Boundaries are Necessary

Boundaries are vital for a peaceful holiday season! Boundaries are necessary, and not always easy to set. If you grew up in an environment where your autonomy wasn’t recognized, boundaries may feel foreign or even uncomfortable. While we can’t control our past, we are responsible for knowing and honoring our limits today.

Take some time to reflect: what do you want more of this season? What do you want less of? Write it down. Your boundaries might include protecting your energy, setting limits on social events, or being intentional with your spending. Trust yourself; your emotions are valuable information, guiding you toward what feels right.

Find & Stay in the Present Moment as Much as Possible

What does it mean to “be in the present moment”? If this idea feels abstract, start with something simple: slow down. Physically and intentionally slow your movements—whether it’s drinking your coffee, washing your hands, or climbing the stairs.
These small acts can feel strange at first, especially if you’re used to multitasking. But by slowing down, you can gently shift your nervous system, calming your body and finding more energy and focus.

Examples to Try:

Slowly eat or drink, savoring every sensation
Take deep, intentional breaths while washing dishes
Slowly walk up/down the stairs, almost pausing on each step
Slowly apply lotion or body oil

Even a few moments of mindfulness can help you feel grounded and present. I find that it doesn’t take long before my system resets, and I feel calmer and more present.

Make Space for Grief

The light cannot exist with the dark. The holidays can be a time of light and joy, and they can also bring tremendous pain. We can grieve who or what we have lost. We can also grieve what we never had. Grief can show up in many forms. Ambiguous grief can surface when someone you care about is still alive but no longer part of your life in the same way. Estranged relationships may bring up feelings of loss, frustration, or longing. You might also find yourself grieving a past version of who you were, or a home, city, or a previous life chapter. Grief can show up suddenly, or run in the background of our lives. Grief comes in waves, sometimes huge waves that pull you under, and sometimes smaller gentle waves that may be easy to miss. By allowing your grief to be there, you open the door to healing and deeper self-compassion.

Ideas for ways to honor grief for a loved one during the season:

Make a loved one’s favorite recipe
Engage in an activity that they loved
Write a letter to them
Write a letter to yourself from your future self or highest self

Conclusion: Your Holiday Toolkit

Embrace Self-Compassion - Give yourself grace as you navigate your emotions and choices.
Check-in with Yourself Regularly - Set a reminder to pause and ask: How am I feeling right now? Use this awareness to adjust your plans or actions to align with what you truly need.
Simplify Your Expectations - Focus on what genuinely brings joy and meaning to your holiday.
Plan Moments of Stillness - Create intentional pauses in your day for reflection, breathing, or simply being.
Honor Your Energy Levels - Prioritize activities and people who uplift you and give yourself permission to decline what feels overwhelming.
Lean on Support Systems - Whether it’s friends, family, or a therapist, don’t hesitate to share your feelings or ask for help. Connection is a powerful form of self-care.
Celebrate in Your Own Way - Whether it’s cozy nights in, creative projects, or time in nature, honor your unique vision of the season.
Set Realistic Goals - Instead of trying to “do it all,” focus on a few meaningful goals.
Create Space for Joy and Grief - Allow yourself to feel both the light and dark aspects of the season. Celebrate the good moments and hold space for the painful ones with equal compassion.
Reflect and Reset - Take time at the end of the day or week to reflect on what went well and what you’d like to adjust. Use this reflection as a gentle guide for the rest of the season.

Reclaim Your Peace This Holiday Season: A Self-Care Guide